Perfection. Does it exist or not?

Wow, it is such a plague in the single community, people looking for perfection and I feel it is more with the men than with the women.  I could be wrong and please correct me if I am.   But I see so many people looking for the perfect someone and it really, really, really doesn’t exist.  You may find someone who looks just like you want but they will always have traits that will drive you crazy.  I say we start a club called the “Banning Perfection Club” because nobody is perfect and face it, when we overlook many of the flaws, we find a wonderful person who is just waiting to love us.  What do you think?  Are you looking for perfection in someone and if so, how’s that working for you(geeze does that sound like Dr. Phil or what!). 

What do you think about internet dating?

I would like to hear people’s experiences with internet dating.  I know a lot of people meet through the internet but I also know people who wouldn’t try it for the world.  I have my opinions about internet dating but I want to hear from my readers first.  Have you had a good experience?  Or has it been a bad experience?  Do you like the process of internet dating?  Which sites do you use and why?  Let me know what you think!!! 

Singles and fear, how to move through it.

Hi all,

We live in such a fear-based society and we get bombarded every day with things we shouldn’t eat or drink, places we shouldn’t visit, TV we shouldn’t watch, etc.    When I started a singles business many years ago, it became very clear early on that many singles have at least one fear, if not more.  This fear has many hats.  Fear of refection, fear of being hurt, fear of being judged, fear of dating your ex, fear of commitment, fear of saying the “L” word and on and on.  These fears keep us from going to singles events, going on blind dates or even trying the internet.  So no wonder people get turned off from dating.  It is hard.  Most people don’t like the idea of dating and some even stay in stale relationships because of the fear of being alone. 

So what do we do?  Well, the advice-giving communities(counselors, coaches) would say to face your fears, do it anyway and this is very true.  However, it takes energy, motivation and a little planning.  And when the very thing you were fearing comes true, then you do it again until you overcome it.  For instance, if you have the fear of being judged and you go to single event and when you walk in, everyone stares at you then your fear of being judged is probably coming true.  People are checking you out.  The difference between getting over the fear and running from it is how you talk to yourself.  If you go into a singles event, everyone stares at you, you can say to yourself, “Hey, they are checking out how ‘hot’ I look.”  Or you could say to yourself “I bet my hair is standing on end, OMG, I bet I look like Alfalfa.  Where is the bathroom?”  The difference between these two statements is self-confidence.  So the best advice is fake it until you make it.  Keep saying to yourself, “Hey this isn’t so bad.  I’m a great person to get to know and I know they want to talk to me”.  If you say to yourself, “I’m so embarrassed, I hate all these people staring at me”, people will pick up on this negative energy and intuitively know what you are thinking.  They may not be able to put it into words but they will feel it. 

So when you start into the dating world, be very careful how you talk to yourself.  Stay as positive as possible about yourself and about other people too.  Also have a confident posture.  No stooping or holding up the wall.  Stand tall and chin-up.  And as I always say, HAVE FUN!!! 

 

Who has the time for a relationship anyway?

Ah, the “who has the time” issue.  It is a very valid issue in a single person’s life.  When I got into the singles business, I found single people the most amazing people on the planet.  They are self-reliant(some people to a fault, though, “I can do it myself and I don’t need any help”) and we seem to work on keeping things together even though we have to do EVERYTHING.  We have to bring home the bacon(after we’ve gone to the store to buy it) and we cook it too.  In other words, we work full time, sometimes more, and maintain a household.  And if you have kids this is also a huge factor in maintaining a balanced life.   And single parents are really amazing too.  I don’t have time to do anything, let alone think about raising children. (Dogs are all I can handle.)  How do you do it?  But, you know, we do it, don’t we.  We find a way.  One way or another, it gets done.  And when it is all said and done, we look back and say, “how did we do it?”  My point is that if you really want a relationship, if you find someone special, you will work out a way to make time for each other.  So, it is good not to worry about “how will I find time for a relationship.” 

I feel it is more about being open to any opportunity that may arise to where you can meet someone.  If someone asks you to a party or someone says, “hey I have someone you should meet”, go for it.  Be open to going to places where single people go.   Just enjoy yourself and have fun!!!  Isn’t that what life is all about anyway?

Any feedback?  How do you feel about this subject of limited time? 

Singles are human too

I’ve met many singles in the last few years and it is interesting the perception still in society about being single.  Some people are embarrassed about it.  Some people are proud of it.  Some do not want to be single.  I talked to a women once about being single and she had been divorced and it took her about two years to realize that she was single.  It was hard for her to fathom her being single again.  Some people feel it still is a stigma and tend to want to “whisper” when they tell you they are single. 

Being single is changing all the time in this day and age.  Yes there is still a slight stigma but I feel many people are accepting that being single isn’t so bad.  There are more “never marrieds” than every before.  About 30% of the single population are “never marrieds”  and it seems to be more accepted.  However, I’m not sure the single population itself has accepted their single life.  Some are still very uncomfortable about being single.  Don’t get me wrong, there are several singles who never want to get married again and are happy being single.  But I would guess that the majority of the single population would rather be in a relationship. 

However, this is the female perspective so I would love to have the male perspective.  What do the guys think?  And ladies, what do you think?